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One Last Time : : :
All the times I've tried
I know they don't erase
The things that brought me down
Caused you to hurt caused you to hate
But now we've figured out
All that we won't do
So I can see that there's no doubt
When you say I know
(when) You're not looking
I'm still watching you
Can we forget those times
Can we move on
Please say that you
Can feel the same way that I do
Please say that I
Can be forgiven one last time
I'm lost without your sight
I can't think without your mind
There's comfort in the night
When I wake up by your side
I'm up here on my own
With nothing left to lose
I won't deny you anything
There's nothing I'll refuse
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Saddest Girl Song - The Starting Line
So it's safe to say that we've been here before;
Heart torn out, down for the count and still come back for more.
This lesson is learned too well.
Though, only unlearned by the time your wounds have healed. [no they haven't]
Have you had enough? [yes]
I guess not because your lips are stuck to his. [sigh =*( oh dear..]
It's Time to say enough is enough, you would be so better off. [oyy veyy]
You love him but tough because it's not coming back from him. [don't i know it]
You can't win. [thank you Captain Obvious]
Stop expecting change, he's just a lost cause that you're waiting on. [once again, thanks Capt'n]
Take a look around, you could have anyone. [not true]
So leave undeserving him. [how. tell me.]
It only hurts at first. [pshh..NO]
But then you will find someone to give you everything you want. [highly unlikely]
Try not to go running back to him. [hah]
So it goes unsaid that we've been here before. [yes we have]
Lonely nights and endless fights and sleeping on the floor. [fun shit..]
And he's sorry, so the story goes. [no he doesn't even realize]
It's read and replayed and ends the same way. [a pretty damn shitty way]
and so...tomorrow is back to the few remaining days of school...please let it be a good week..please?
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Today I woke up, got ready, and had to wash my Dad's damn car. I hate washing cars.
Then I went to Jackie's house, and hung out with her and Tara all afternoon. It was fun; we were just being our stupid selves.
At night was Lauren's "Sweet 16" party, even though it's over a month late. It was fun I guess. There were more guys than girls...I wish I had all her junior guy friends. They're hot. At least some of them. All the guys are hilarious.
Umm..let's see. What did we actually do.. we ate. It was catered. We danced somewhat; Alex Hamburger was DJing. He's really nice, and he let me attempt to scratch the records, although I was jussst a little bad at it. The guys are hysterical when they pretend to dance with all of us, including each other, and when they sing. Kelly, Chris Heydon and I walked around the neighborhood for a little while. Umm.. Dave Chipaiko or whatever dressed in costume and jumped into the pool, and I decided it would be funny if we took his clothes. So we did...I gave his pants to someone, and Ryan Farrell threw them on the roof. Quite amusing. Oh and Jack Newman and Ryan and Ryan and Jordan were trying to freestyle with the mic. They were really really bad, but Jack was hysterical...he cracked on Lauren's dad being fat, some of the mom's being drunk, everything imaginable. For example..."Tracy Ann Chow...I like to...um...pow!" Or.."This is really funny...I like...money!"
At times it was boring. Her camp friends were rather obnoxiously antisocial. But nobody really cared anyway. My favorite part was the very end, talking to a few of the hot juniors LoL. They're nicer than I'd expected. I hope I see them more in school next year!
Well now I'm home and I'm just bored. I hope tomorrow is a good day. My dad is supposedly gonna teach me the basics with driving, then I'm going to Jersey Gardens with Mom, and maybe out to this party at night, hopefully. Whatever. I'm tired. Good night.
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Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002
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It's beautiful weather out!!! I want to just take a walk or lay out or have a picnic or something...but I don't know where anyone is, or what anyone's doing. I'm one of those people who need to be constantly active...
Today school was okay. Joyce won for FBLA Vice President at West!!! Hehe, I'm so proud that our campaigning worked! =)
Chem- took more notes. that is always the most boring class of the entire day. I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing that I have it first period...it's good that I get it over with, and bad cause I fall asleep so often..
Gym- played badminton with the Kay Eye
French- since it was "Senior Take-Over Day," we had some girl come in to teach. She seemed a lil bitchy.
AP- we watched a video, and of course, got a quiz on it. so boring
Lunch- boring, as per usual.
Art- was extremely boring today, because Alexis wasn't there to talk to and Ryan wasn't there to start any of his hilarious trouble. I actually enjoy watching the "wars" between people in our class. They scream hilarious insults [although they really are being serious], throw crayons and erasers at each other; it's great.
English- took another vocab quiz. I got the last one wrong, but she didn't mark it. I don't even know if she really checks the papers at all! Then we watched more of that stupid video, but it was semi-amusing this time.
Math- we had some senior come in to teach, so we went back to doing calculus questions. I actually half-understand now. I like learning from observing it done correctly rather than learning from watching others go to the board and make mistakes, like we usually do.
Then we had Interact...all we did was get free Rita's italian ice things...yuMMmmMmy. I tried to suck up and I went upstairs to bring Dr.G some...hehe.
Now I'm home; bored. I just read *confidential* legal documents. LoL. I was so proud of dear daddy...he's testifying in this case between a division of the National Guard and two small enterprise businesses. I read most of the briefing, and his name was in there a million and three times, because he had drawn the plans for piping at this national air force base, and that's what the case was based on. I remember going to New Hampshire that year [like seven years ago], and visiting that base too. The case is actually interesting...too bad I can't write about it LoL.
The One-Acts are tonight, 7:00. At least that's something to do. I hope I enjoy it. But as for now, I'm restless.. I think I'll give Steph a call, or work on my new AIM profile!!!
If you have AIM, check my profile, and leave messages on it. I don't even know if it works, I just started it. But check it anyway, kay?
til later...buh byes!
Quote of the Day: "Where do we go...from here? This isn't where, we intended to be. We had it all; I believed in you, you believed in me. Certainty's disappeared...what do we do, for this dream to survive?.." [madonna, evita]
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Before I go to sleep, no matter how late, the one thing I need to do for myself is to sit back and reflect, analyze, and re-evaluate my day. Some people need to watch TV, others need to listen to music (which I do at the same time), and I need to think. Might as well do it in here, like I often do.
Today I didn't hear my alarm(s) go off, I guess b/c I was so tired. Haven't gotten much sleep lately. So I woke up late, but peacefully, took my time getting ready, and mom drove me to school. I got there towards the end of...
Gym- Mrs.B didn't care that I missed the whole period and let me play around with the volleyball in my tight jeans and flip-flops...she's great =)
French- we reviewed vocabulary. how utterly brainless
AP- well, I stayed up late and created a pretty good outline. But yea, I forgot to bring in the previous one, so he's gonna take more points off my paper, which already had two taken off.
We had another guidance appointment this period...looks like Dr.G is gonna get his way, and we won't be in Calculus BC. His only reason is that as juniors, without having the extra practice he's going to offer at the end of AP Stats, we won't be ready. He said that only one person from H FST/PDM was taking BC. But umm...he lied again. Tim ttold me about other people who are taking it, and another sophomore in his class is in it. I seriously dislike Dr.G...which is great, considering I'll have him for the next two years.
Lunch- boring...again witnessed the "mature" and "classy" students of Old Bridge High School. Sometimes I can't believe the diversity of types of people in our school.
Art- Ms.G finished the rough draft of my self-portrait sketch. It doesn't look that bad, except it doesn't look like me, LoL...oh wells.
English- we watched some movie. I don't remember what it's called but it's pretty violent and ridiculous. I didn't enjoy it at all.
Math- we were assigned problems that were unable to be completed by the end of the period. Since they weren't that hard, I didn't mind; work makes the two periods go by faster.
Afterschool none of us stayed after for the art thing. I hung up signs for Joyce and went home...
Then I went back out, picked Lauren up, and we went to the Student Senate meeting. I get quite passionate on some issues, and it really irritates me when people are having such loud, rude side conversations. I couldn't hear 40% of what was being said today. If you can't handle a freakin one-hour meeting, don't come. Don't be on Senate. There are sooo many people who are going to run...sigh. I really want to be on it, but it's gonna be impossible.
Then I went back to Ivey's house with Lau and her mom. We hung out there for an hour or so. Their parents are amazing. I wish mine were just a little more fun like that...
Through all of this, I forgot to eat dinner. I just had a grilled chicken caesar salad about a half hour ago as my dinner. Ughh...you're not supposed to eat right before you go to bed!
WeLL, I guess I'm off. I hope tomorrow's a good day. *crosses fingers*
Quote of the day: "The truth- is you could slit my throat, and with my one last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt" [Taking Back Sunday]
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| Time: | 12:57 am. |
| Mood: |  bored. | | Music: | none, I'm downstairs and everyone is being SOOO loud.... |
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[ series 1 - you ]
-- Name : tracy
-- Birthday : 5.2.86
-- Current Location : Old Bridge, NJ
-- Eye Color: dark brown
-- Hair Color : black
-- Righty or Lefty : righty
-- Zodiac Sign : taurus* i hope the stars are right about some things...
-- Innie or Outtie : innie
-- Font : arial size 8
[ series 2 - your favorite ( dont put more then 1) ]
-- Music : depends on my mood..anything from oldies to hip-hop
-- Cartoon : pokemon? rugrats? idk!
-- Color : pink
-- Slushy Flavor : raspberry
-- Magazine : Lucky
-- TV Show : Charmed
-- Song : right now...Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow
-- Language : english, not ghetto-english, thank you
-- Spice Girl : I loved Geri
-- Food & Beverage : chicken francese & strawberry daquiri
-- Subject in School : none anymore
-- Weekend Activity : seeing my friends
-- Ice Cream Flavor : vanilla
-- Roller Coaster : Batman
[ series 3 - what is ]
-- Your most overused phrase on aol: "haha" or "ooo"
-- The first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning : the time
-- The last image/thought you go to sleep with : a little boy so dear to me LoL
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex : hmm I really don't know
-- The Best Name for a Butler : Urmom <--haha Jack that's funny; I was sitting here for a second trying to figure out what name that was
-- The wussiest sport : golf
-- Your best feature : hah
-- Your bedtime : one o'clock
-- Your greatest fear : dying
-- Your greatest accomplishment : becoming someone I don't mind being
-- Your most missed memory : "that" night, definitely
[ series 4 - do you prefer ]
-- Pepsi or coke : coke
-- McDonald's or Burger King : Burger King
-- Adidas or nike : nike? IDK who cares
-- Chicken nuggets or chicken fingers : chicken fingers
-- Dogs or cats : no preference
-- Rugrats or doug : both
-- Being Single or taken : shut the !@#$ up
-- Monica or Brandy : Monica...brandy is annoying
-- Tupac or Jay-Z : Jay-Z!
-- Shania Twain or LeAnn Rimes : i don't care
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea : I make my mother go to Pathmark just to buy their Iced Tea, even though we shop at Shoprite or A&P...
-- One pillow or two : two
-- Chocolate or vanilla : vanilla, for ice cream anyway
-- Hot chocolate or hot cocoa : i don't get it
-- Cappucino or coffee? : cappucino
-- Boxers or briefs : Boxers
[ series 5 - do you ]
-- Take a shower everyday? : every night
-- Have a(any) crush(es)? : yea
-- Do you think you've been in love? : *sigh
-- Want to go to college? : of course
-- Like high school? : yes I do
-- Want to get married : you mean "hope" to?
-- Type with your fingers on the right keys? : yes
-- Believe in yourself? : somewhat
-- Have any tattoos/where? : no, but I want one, it's all planned out...
-- Have any piercings : ears
-- Get motion sickness? : only on scary tiny private planes
-- Think you're a health freak? : not really
-- Get along with your parent/s? : usually somewhat
-- Like thunderstorms? : no i'm a scaredy-cat
[ series 6 - the future ]
-- Age you hope to be married : no sooner than 25
-- Number and Names of Children : 2, tiffany-amber, brittany danielle, or nickolas ryan, or matthew ryan
-- Where do you see yourself at age 20? : college
-- Descibe your Dream Wedding : with the person I love
-- How do you want to die? : old
-- What do you want to be when you grow up? : I have no clue
-- What country would you most like to visit? : Italy
[ series 7 - opposite sex ]
-- Best eye color? : no preference
-- Best hair color? : just not red
-- Short or long hair? : short
-- Best height? : taller than me
-- Best weight? : "enough", as someone said...
-- Best articles of clothing? : pj pants or nice formal shirts
[ series 8 - other ]
-- When's the last time you slept with a stuffed animal? : last night, every night
-- How many rings until you answer the phone? : at least 2
-- What's on your mouse pad? : the gateway logo
-- How many houses have you lived in? : two or three if you include that thing we lived in for a few months
-- How many schools have you gone to? : 5
-- What color is your bedroom carpet? : light purple
-- Would you shave your head for $5,000 dollars? : hell no
-- If you were stranded on a desert island and you could only take three things with you what would you take? : food, tent, him
--What was the best time of your life so far? : "that" night or the BSB concerts...well the three most recent ones anyway
Hiii guys! nobody's online! maybe cause it's 1:20 am! hehe...I'm at my cousin's house in Brooklyn. boreddd. not sure if I'm sleeping over, b/c she'll take me shopping in the village if I do...I've needed to stop by one store for awhile; I hope we get to go! I <3 the store! I'm sooo tired...my eyes hurt, my back hurts, my jeans are too tight and there's nobody to talk to but alexis =( good night everyone..KTBSPA
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Although this entry is public, many of mine will be friends-only from now on. Unlike random others, I do not write in my LiveJournal as a pathetic call for attention. [sorry, I am an opinionated person] I like to document my life for myself, but I don't want to make it entirely private, because it keeps my close friends updated on some things if I don't get a chance to talk to them, or I don't wanna say the same things a million times. If you think I write any of my crap for attention, I'd like to say you're wrong and good night.
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So another day passes me by. Wasn't bad I suppose.
Chem- had lab today. it was fun! it was on "radial chromatography" so we just drew designs and enlarged them by making the ink spread with water for two periods
French- did...uhh...nothing? I don't remember
AP- took a multiple choice quiz. I'm doing horrible in that class.
Lunch- got a bagel. not enough cream cheese...thrilling huh?
Art- that freshman Ryan dude is hilarious. He made each table a country, and there's international war...crayons are bombs that get thrown at people, etc. It's just funny watching him bully the other freshmen and talk back to Ms.G
English- had a substitute again. Studied some history with our lil AP clan..
Math- didn't do so hot, for yet another crappy score. I don't know how to study these things though. Seriously...we DON'T LEARN before the the quizzes, we learn AFTER we're tested. Like...he'll assign problems in the book. You open to the page, and you realize you've never seen this stuff before. Oh well. You do it and do so poorly. Then it's collected, and THEN you go over the problems, and this is where you learn what to do.
I saw that big scary guy who was hitting on me in West Campus last week...but I talked to him for a little while, and he isn't scary at all. He's so nice...but Kelly says it's all part of his plan to kill me, LoL kel.
Afterschool we waited outside for a ride home like always. We saw the hot guy who always waits outside school or goes to the track field. Yesterday we also saw him at the pizza place, and found out his name. So today, thinking that he had walked by and gone to the track field, we started talking about him, commenting on his amusing name, and even repeating some rhyme with his name in it...only to realize he was over by the steps, sitting there! It was pretty funny.
I got home and went out around 4ish with L-Garfinkel. We went to Annie Sez to get her working papers signed, and then looked through all the stores in Marlboro Plaza for two hours or so...Smith Bros has some new "hotttt shit", Shoe Biz was okay, Denny's didn't have too much. Neither of us ended up getting anything.
Now I have to eat and study. Study, study, study for the exam. I'm sooo scared; I don't know much at all. Gotta stop this LJ nonsense and continue! KTBSPA
Quote for the day: "Don't let me let you go." [eve 6]
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So other than going to the mall and to dinner with M.I.L.L on Friday, I didn't do much of anything else interesting this weekend. Jackie came over yesterday and I went out for like an hour or so shopping today. Got a really cute new pair of Buffalo's and these comfy Bisou-Bisou pajama-type pants, even though I need TOPS not bottoms, but I figure I'll wear the comfy pants to school Friday since we have the AP exam, which runs over 3 hours, and which I've been studying for all weekend, to no avail. Whoa talk about a run on sentence. I wish that for once I could concentrate and get some studying done, instead of having my mind drift off onto other subjects which only aggravate and confuse me until I can no longer think. They should invent some take-your-mind-off-it pill. Well I think I'll go do my hair or something somewhat productive...good night xoxo.
Quote of the day: "Don't wish it away; don't look at it like it's forever. Between you and me, I can honestly say, that things can only get better..." [elton john]
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155. Have you ridden in a hotair balloon?: no, I could never; I'm so afraid of heights
156. Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?: emotional is the worst
157. Favorite TV show?: Charmed and Friends are the only shows I ever watch...ever. don't have the time
158. Do you know anyone who is clinically depressed?: yes I do
159. Do you prefer a piano or a violin?: piano
160. Are you a sex addict?: nope, sorry to disappoint you
161. Do you know someone who has cancer?: no
162. Do you like to argue?: actually yes. I find it fun because 99% of the time I'm a thousand times better at it than the people I argue with...it's sad but true, but honestly, I find satisfaction in that. There's the wannabe-lawyer side of me coming out..
163. Do you hunt?: no. I went fishing once though and felt horrible about it but my Dad wouldn't let me throw the fish back in the lake. I really am sorry =*(
164. Do you like fast food joints, or expensive restaurants?: I like some fast food, but I don't like eating at the place itself. And I looOOOoove expensive restaurants.
165. Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?: depends. probably the zoo
166. Do you have a middle name? What is it?: I guess it's Ann...but that was supposed to be part of my first name. And a lot of people who don't know me but know of me refer to me as Tracy Ann Chow...it's so funny to hear them say that or to have them come up to me and ask me if that's who I am
167. Are you basically a happy person?: not at all
168. Are you tired?: extremely
169. Did you drink anything with caffeine in it today?: nope. I'm trying to go on a water/fruit juice/milk diet. I've stayed off soda for awhile...I break it constantly with lemonade though.
170. Have you ever met anyone off the internet? not someone who I didn't know at all...but I've talked to people from Old Bridge and then have later met them through other friends
171. How many phones do you have in your house?: four plus our cell phones
172. How long is your hair?: medium long
173. Do you get along with your parents?: usually somewhat
174. What color of eyes do you prefer?: depends on the rest of the person's coloring
175. Like your name?: I don't not like it, but I would rather have some other cooler name. But then again those probably wouldn't suit me. But I luvvv my initials ;-)
176. Were you named after anyone? not really. I love the name Tiffany-Amber though and I might copy Tiffany-Amber Theissen's name if I have a daughter. Then she would have the same initials as me too!
177. Do you wish on stars? yes but it's pointless =(
178. Which finger is your favorite? pinky
179. When did you last cry? two days ago on my birthday
181. Do you like your handwriting? half of the time. my handwriting really does vary soooo much each time
182. Who do you admire, why? my *idoL* haha j/k I don't admire her in the least bit
183. What is the #1 priority in your life? a sad sad one
184. lunchmeat? uhhhmmmm...what about it?
185. Any bad habits?: cracking my back, my neck, shoulders...fixing my hair too often
186. What is your most embarrassing CD? hanson maybe?
187. If you were another person, would you be friends with yourself? probably
188. Are you a daredevil? not really
189. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? yes
190. Have you ever stolen anything? never. except for like books from English class but I don't actually want them
191. Do looks matter? yea, c'mon be realistic here
192. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? yes probably a million times
193. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? not all at stupid
194. Do fish have feelings? yes. Courtney I had a suicidal fish also, because I was out all night and didn't feed it, I came home and it was dead on the floor
195. Are you trendy? I'd like to think so, considering how much I like fashion. But then again I often prefer plain timeless pieces over some crazy new style. IDK
196. How do you release anger? blasting music, squeezing things, writing
197. Where is your second home? some long house numbered place on Lettingwell Circle in Wesley Chapel, Florida (north tampa)
198. Do you trust others easily? pshhh yea right... not at all
199. What was your favorite toy as a child? all of my Barbie dolls
200. What class in school do you think is totally useless? PDM...oh wait! They're getting rid of that class next year, and me taking it really WAS pointless!!! Stupid asshole motherf*ckers in the OB school system, I swear...
201. Do you like sappy love songs? I hate the happy ones because I'm jealous, but I love the sad love songs
202. Have you ever been on radio or television? I've been on the radio as a ZJ once or twice, I won BSB tickets and I cried on the air, and as for TV...I've been on local channels for school things only
203. Do you have a journal? duh
204. Do you use sarcasm a lot? me? of course not *rolls eyes
205. Have you ever been in another country?: canada, mexico, bermuda, bahamas, france, england, grand caymen. are those all countries?
207. What is your nickname? trace, tray, track. tee-cee to kay-eye. t-chow to L-garfinkel. chowwww to C.O'connorrrr. tracy cow to jackie. little pig to ash. brett to phil(steph). p3 to p1 and p2.
208. Would you bungee jump? sure why not
209. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? never
210. What are you worried about right now? *him
211. Do you ever wear overalls? I don't have any
212. Do you think you are strong? not physically
213. What's your least favorite thing in the world? my idol. nahh not really...umm IDK
214. How many wisdom teeth do you have? none yet
215. Do you have anything pierced? just my ears =( when I was going into high school, my mom said I could get my bellybutton pierced when I'm 16. I'm 16 now!!! But that's not gonna happen
216. Do you have any tattoos? no but Steph and I have our future ones all planned out, I can't wait
217. What would you change about yourself? my jealousy. my physical traits. my over-analyzation skills. my laziness.
218. Who is most likely to respond to this first? who knows/cares
219. Who are the people you care most about? my best friends, you should know who you are
Damn it's late enough already and I'm exhausted. And sick of waiting for others. What does one phone call, a positive thing, and then one lack of a phone call, a negative thing, balance out to? Well I'm gonna stop stressin and go get some sleep. I want Mommie to take me shopping early in the morning before she leaves tomorrow. I leave you with three lines of lyrics from a song Jackie found as my
Quote of the day: "This night was too good to be true. Today I woke up alone wishing you were here with me, I wanted us to be something that we'd probably never be." -the Ataris
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School was okay today.
Chem- took a test; did alright I think.
Gym- played elimination volleyball
French- I really don't remember what the hell we did. i think all we did was check homework
History- took our last test on the chapters from our text book. I'm proud to say that we finished the 1000+ pages in that damn book. our class is really one big awful memory...but still a memory in itself. i can't believe the AP exam is coming up so soon.
Lunch- got a bagel today LoL..that's the thing different
Art- had a substitute and basically did nothing all period
English- watched and performed our skits. Some of them were soooo funny; I was cracking up.
Kelly and I were going to skip Math class today and just go back to her house instead of getting on the bus to West Campus...but we took too long to decide so we went to West. Then from there we were debating whether or not to walk back to my house...but we decided nahhh. So we went to
Math- which was boring. I'm getting a D+ as of now. (whooo hooo we aren't failing Kel!!!) The power went out at the end of the day in West Campus, so we got dismissed early. Being that it was Senior Cut Day, hardly anyone was in the building. It was weird. Oh yea Jack Newman made up this whole big story about me and Ryan Quiros since we live by each other...and apparently he was telling this whole fiction story in his class, which is full with that whole crowd of hot junior guys. I'm not even in his Spanish class, and none of them know me! I just found out through someone else who was there...I'm gonna kill him!!!
Then I came home and hung out by myself. Was incredibly bored...helped my little cousin with his math homework since his parents are away...then went out to Freehold Mall. It was me, "L-Garfinkel", Ivey, Malorie, and Liz...we got a few things but no serious shopping. I got a great turquoise necklace that I am in love with. We saw a few guys there...went to Ruby Tuesday and ate dinner. It was fun. Saw Barbara at Bang Bang too. Some girl slammed into me then started telling me off. It wasn't my fault...Joe and his *hot* (sigh) friends saw it too. Ivey set off the buzzer thing in Coach, we ravaged a table in Abercrombie, etc... They are a hilarious bunch of girls.
Now I'm sooo tired. I wanna try to get up at a half-decent hour tomorrow...I really want to go shopping at a few specific stores during the day, and I really want to hang out with a specific person at night. I know all of that won't happen...but what else can I do but try? If I don't try, I can give up, but I still won't be able to let go.
Well I'm exhausted. Good night * xoxo
Quote of the day: "When you got nothing...you got nothing to lose." [Leo DiCaprio in Titanic, while he was still hot. I <3ed him and that movie!]
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| Subject: | Sweet Sixteen |
| Time: | 11:10 pm. |
| Mood: |  thoughtful. | | Music: | I'll Stand By You - the Pretenders. |
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I should write everything about my day so I can look back in a year from now and remember it all. See that would be what you would do in an ideal situation, but once again, let me remind myself that this is the real world and I have two important tests tomorrow. Therefore I cannot write evrything now.
So my 16th year has started. I had a pretty good day. I realized who my true friends are and I also saw how many more friends I had made just in this year alone. It's pretty amazing how I went from knowing nobody to becoming friends with so many people. But in the end I also realized that as uplifting as it is to have sooo many people there for you, at the end of the day it's only those who you're still thinking about that matter.
Countless people, some who I barely speak to at all, wished me a happy birthday, gave me hugs, etc. It made my day so much brighter, and for that I must thank everyone. But now as I sit here I can't say that I wouldn't trade all of the "happy birthday trace"'s from 100 people for just one sincere gesture by 1.
My best friends-- you know who you are. I love you so much. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be sane. I'd have gone out of my mind already. I'm truly truly touched by everything you have done for me.
My family has also been great. I'll write about everything tomorrow. For now I'm gonna start some homeowork (it's eleven!) and try to appreciate everything more.
The last of what I have to say... Here's my
Quote for the day: FuNKyKid99 (10:54:57 PM): yo jerk
Auto response from tracy5286 (10:54:58 PM): as you get older you learn things about yourself and everything around you. you learn that things arent always as cracked up as they seem to be. or that some things you just cant change. like the way you feel. so you have to take each day one step at a time just hoping that maybe someday something can give it all a meaning. until then all you have is yourself and your true friends. and theres nothing you can do besides to keep on growing. * sweet sixteen
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Happy Birthday Alison Cunningham.
Tomorrow at 4:08 a.m. I turn sixteen. God I really wish this year would be 'sweet' like it's supposed to. It's already gonna start out bad. I've got crap on my mind that will put me to bed miserably...then I'm gonna wake up tomorrow to the pouring rain, because the chance of rain is 90%, thunderstorms are predicted, and oh yea, it might hail. The one thing I cannot stand is the rain...ask any of my friends if they know anyone who dislikes it more than I do.
Today was just another day. Tried to scrunch my hair, it didn't work out the way I wanted it to =( but it was a change. It's so funny how many people noticed it and commented, I guess b/c I'm the girl who wears her hair straight down every single day. School was boring. Nothing to look forward to anymore =(
I have a bunch of work to do.. I have to learn to be productive. I'm just praying that I can enjoy my birthday this year...for the past two years they've sucked. Well...gotta go KTBSPA
Quote of the day: "The hardest part about moving on is learning not to look back."
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That is the quote to apply to my day, which pretty much sucked, in so many ways.
Last night I actually studied for my history test, which I never really do. I usually get a low-medium 80 on my test, and I think I did so much worse this time. I knew everything...and my mind went completely blank. I don't usually get like that, except for in math...ugh. I wasted my time studying only to do worse than I would have usually done without studying.
Then I also found out other things that I've always had that horrible curiosity to know. You know that compellance to look at something awful...like how you turn your head to stare at the scene of an accident or can't look away when you see your boyfriend cheating on you...that type of thing. Well now I know a few more things, a little more than I'd like to know. Well I can't honestly say that because I would always rather be informed than left in the dark...but it's just hard. It changes everything that I thought I knew. And now I have to question more and more...I hate that. I wasn't completely satisfied with everything, but I felt a little better about it than now =/ I don't know what to do about it anymore. I just know I have to stop caring quite so much, and then it wouldn't affect me as much...as it did today.
I'm really sorry for ignoring just about everyone today; my mind was somewhere else.
I've been trying to find this damn song that I don't know the name of to download, but it's taking too long so I should go do some homework. I have made a promise to myself to stop caring so much about certain things, and instead focus on myself and my schoolwork. SooOOOooOO I'm gonna go pretend to fulfill my promise now. KTBSPA
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Three Miles Down [Saves the Day]
Oh great
here I go again I'm stuck in this rut
and I'm not sure how to begin- should I tell you everything?
I'm feeling out of luck so I won't see you soon
'cause I know it's too soon for you to see me-
if this is the last thing you do just tell me that it's o.k.
for me to have these feelings for you
and that it's normal to want to call you.
Oh I'm dialing the phone and I'm letting it ring for hours
and I'm pretending to hear your voice-
Why does my heart always beat before yours does?
After a while you can make yourself believe in almost anything,
so I'm making myself believe in you.
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Yesterday night I went to Steph's to sleepover. When I got there, Ashley opened the door and Stephanie was nowhere in sight...so I started wondering where she was. Ash said Stephanie was out on the deck...so I went to get her and she wasn't there...then Ash said she probably went downstairs, so I went down to see her...and got a picture snapped in my face at the bottom of the stairs. They had a million balloons all over the room, streamers, etc, a cake they made, and Sweet 16 music in the background. It was so cute and thoughtful; I was crying like the dork that I am! They had a whole agenda for the night printed out, everything all set up, and my present, which was the Tiffany Venetian Link and $130. It was nice...danced around, watched Moulin Rouge, did manicures/pedicures, talked, etc. Finally went to bed around 4ish...woke up around 7. My mom forced me to go to the March of Dimes walk-a-thon in the rain. But I didn't collect any money from sponsors, cause I don't like asking people for things, so all I had was the donation from her. Therefore, no reason for me to walk. You only walk to "earn" the money that people donate, but since nobody but her donated, why should I walk? I wasn't friends with any of the people who showed up to do it, so I made her walk with me, we did a mile, and then fled to the parking lot cause I wanted to go home.
I'm so bored right now. I scrunched my hair after I took a shower this morning and I'm trying to decide if I like it...I think I'll test it out in school tomorrow. Right now I am going to go because of more stupid reasons...KTBSPA!
Quote of the day: "And the wonder of it all- that you just don't realize how much I love you." [eric clapton]
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Saturday, April 27th, 2002
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I'm just sitting here listening to peaceful music...it's been a peaceful day. I know I should do my homework, but I also know that I still have time =] so I'm relaxed...I guess it's cause I woke up early for the Beach Sweep. I usually wake up at noon and by the time I'm ready to do anything, it's 1 o'clock. I like this feeling of having a whole day...but then again I also like my Saturday morning sleep...
Yesterday night Jackie and I went to the Asian show at Marlboro High School. They're school is a lot nicer than ours, and their auditorium was really nice. The show itself was executed very well...better than any Old Bridge production. All of the acts were really good, but it got a lil boring/redundant at times. I knew a few people =) but Jackie and I didn't really make any new friends =/ or anything. It wasn't bad though.
Today I woke up at 7ish and drove to Sandy Hook with Jackie...nobody told us that there was going to be a bus. Thanks alot. There were a lot of ppl there, but not as many from our school as I had expected. It was boring...basically helped pick up trash. Some woman from the Star Ledger was following Jack and I around, taking pictures and asking questions. It would be funny to see us in the paper. Then I walked around with Jack cause we weren't friends with most of the Interact ppl...ate food...and layed out on the sand for awhile; it was soo nice out.
I'm home now, doing nothing. Tonight p3 is finally having another sleepover, cause Steph is leaving for Florida on Friday and won't see me that weekend for my birthday. She's grounded though, so we can't go anywhere...grr how unfair.
I have to go now for stupid reasons KTBSPA
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Happy Birthday aManda Agyemang!!!
She is one of the most honest, encouraging, trustworthy, and funny people I know =)
I got Amanda four of those small helium balloons on sticks for her birthday...as soon as I walked out of the house with them, they deflated somewhat. I started flipping out, thinking I popped them somehow, until I realized that if I had paid more attention in chemistry, I would have known that the cold air was simply decreasing the volume. Hehe...that's not quite as bad as my birthday last year, when Stephanie blew up balloons herself, decorated them with BSB pictures, and then noticed that they wouldn't float. THAT was amusing. So many birthdays are around this time! Including mine!
I haven't updated about anything since my last friday night...it was basically just another week. I don't remember too much of anything interesting...
I went to the Senate meeting Monday night with Lauren and was disgusted at some of the Senators that the kids in our school elect. They don't give a shit about their responsibilites, and they were complaining after an hour that the meeting was taking too long and that they should be allowed to go home. I'm sorry, but if your lazy ass is gonna fill one of the Senate seats, you should be serious about it. I really want to be on it next year, and I would actually care about what was going on...if I don't make it, that's one thing, but if I don't make it and some of the same unproductive people do, it will be even more aggravating. People complain about things in our school, yet they vote for the people who aren't willing to change a thing about it.
On Tuesday we went to the French Immersion Day thing at Middlesex County College instead of a normal day at school. It was so stupid, but better than a day in class...made a new friend from Marlboro! I'm going to go watch her dance in some Asian show thing at her school tonight. Hopefully it will be fun =]
Wednesday...that was pretty much the typical day for me...Interact meeting...nothin else
Yesterday was a boring day too. Nice though, cause I hardly had any homework and could just chill...
Today was a a pretty good day in school I guess.
Chem- didn't fall asleep today- I'm proud! Just went over the homework...Lewis dot diagrams are pointless
Gym- played pickleball. The most retarded yet easiest wannabe "sport" ever invented. I was just thankful that we didn't have to go outside.
French- just worked on vocabulary exercises. Thrilling, don't you think?
AP- just another lecture-type discussion thing. I'm doing really really really bad this marking period =(
Lunch- Steph came to visit, but Alexis and I waited on that "other" lunchline again and it took so long...and I didn't even end up getting what I wanted there! I hate the the cafeteria service in our school.
Art- had to sketch the people who volunteered to be our models...this is the worst assignment ever. I don't find it enjoyable to get plain colored paper and like two pastels and draw the stupid kids...why the hell would I want a picture of them? I don't even like 80% of that class.
English- the day I finally bring my textbook, I realize that Mrs. Lamb was absent. figures
Math- firedrill...then waited for the shuttle to come back because I had dropped my bag on the bus while wrestling with Jack Newman, who had been taking my stuff...then went back to class and actually learned something for once. Amazing!
I can't *believe I'm almost sixteen *believe the school year is almost ending *believe I'll be a junior *wait to leave east campus *wait for summer *wait for the cruise with the girls!!
I'm sooo tired; I think I'll take a nap before I go out.
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Saturday, April 20th, 2002
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Today was a pretty good day. The fourth marking period has just started though, and I've never started off so horribly before. I really hope I can pull up my grades...but it's hard when I'm so naturally lazy and so uncontrollably preoccupied. =/ Anyway, here's my day:
Chem- took notes and stuff...got my shameful test grade back
Gym- we had to watch a Women's Day presentation thing. The first speaker was pointless, but the next girl was cute. Seemed sweet, and I'm glad she's successful. Some people in our school really pissed me off with their rudeness toward her though.
French- took a test. I think I did o-kay.
AP- took a test. I think I failed. And I'm not exaggerating...I literally mean I think I got in the 60's. And I knew these two chapters the best, too. *Sigh... that class is a never-ending headache.
Lunch- Steph joined me
Art- boring, worked on the cartoon thing
English- don't even remember what I did. Just read, I think.
Math- got called to the board while being videotaped. Went off on camera...check the Old Bridge Channel and you will see Tracy the Bitch on TV soon!
Afterschool I had my mom drive me back to East Campus, where I helped "set up" for the Spring Fling with Lau Iv and Mal. We didn't really do much. The woman hates us, and me even more today, cause I ran into her and buried her in a towel accidentally. Oopsies. It was fun.
At night I went to Ash's. Talked a lot, which was good.
I wish I could talk to other people like I could to her. I used to be able to more so than now, and I would give anything to have that back. I miss the simple things that used to put a smile on my face every night. But I gave that all up when I let things get complicated. Now I can't say all the light-hearted things I'd like to, for my words mean a lot more now. Which is ironic, because now we limit the words between us. Which get misinterpreted in ways that drive us farther apart. Which only makes me sad and regretful... I know there is something I have to work upon but I feel like all is lost already. So I haven't lost all hope, yet I have. If that makes sense.
Anyway, it's late. I have to be at school by 10 a.m. tomorrow to play in the volleyball game for French Honor Society. I have to go suck up to my mom for money now, because Lauren wants me to go straight back to her house for lunch then shopping with her and Ivey...Smart Alex. That store is dangerous!
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Thursday, April 18th, 2002
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i'm a hamster.
what kinda pet are you?
quiz made by muna.
Ahhh Alexis and I
detest</b> being called cute. That makes us feel...oh, about three years old all over again. Anyway, I'm just procrastinating from studying for my French or History tests tomorrow. My day was exhausting, but not bad. It was nice weather.
Chem- had a regular note-taking class. fun shittt...LoL
Gym- did nothing...sat and talked to Amanda and Michelle
French- spent the whole time being pissed off that at the quiz grades that about 5 or 6 of us shouldn't have gotten because we were absent and never were given a night to learn the material...
AP- took a quiz, attempted another classroom discussion, etc
Lunch- boring I guess
Art- did minimal work on my cartoon project thing
English- got an A+ on my paper! whooo hooo!
I skipped Math today to make up a Chemistry lab. It was fun...me Sperber Malhar Ivey and Kim worked together...the lab was pretty simple too =)
Afterschool there was a Sophomore Class Council meeting. One of the advisors was such a bitch! She was being nasty to me, Lauren, Ivey, and Malorie for not volunteering to bake for the Freshman's bake sale. Umm we already did our own bake sale. She was being so mean about it...how we're not getting involved and stuff. Um, there were like 7 of us there. Obviously, out of the other 700 people in our whole sophomore class, we cared enough to come. And this is the first time she was ever at a meeting. Ughh...
Then Ivey's mom came to pick us up. We dropped Malorie off because she's still in trouble =( her mom is being really cruel. Her family didn't even get her a present or take her out for her 16th birthday because she's still "in trouble."
Then Ivey Lau and I went back to Lauren's...it was fun. They are crazy girls...we just acted like our stupid selves, pigged out, and then played dress up with Lauren's closet...I hung out there for an hour and a half or so, and then I had to go
to the Senior Citizen dance for Interact. It was stupid, disorganized, hot, boring, and aggravating. I hate when things aren't being done right...but then I feel bad when I start to boss people around. But I can't help it if they need a little direction or something, and I know how to help... the senior citizens weren't all very nice either. It wasn't exactly my idea of fun, but hey. whatever.
I finished my homework...all I had was one chemistry problem LoL!!! But I have to study, and Charmed is new tonight, so I should go. Peace out everybodyyy!
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bsbgirl's journal
discontent.
okay.
tired.
stressed.
confused.
indescribable.
crushed.